At some point during the day I received an email notifying me that my food shipment for my new diet plan is on its way to me and that I should have it in my hands by Thursday this week. This news was met with equal parts excitement and dread.
Looking around the pantry it was going to be a teary good-bye to several of my closest friends. Ah the wonderful mornings I spent with Lucky the leprechaun protecting the colorful marshmallows from those pesky kids who kept trying to steal them.
And what about my poor friend the rabbit? Without my help who was going to give him a bowl of Trix goodness? It surely would not be those selfish kids who seem to think there is an age limit on colorful round sugar-filled cereal.
Farewell sour dough bread, your tangy taste will now be but a memory as my diet goes to some regulated portion-controlled blob. Alas, it seems like everywhere I turned it was going to be an emotional farewell to the things I loved. Curse you evil fatty liver!
What I didn’t realize though was how my diet would affect the universe. Having raised five children I was well aware that once you reach your teenage years that the universe itself goes through some kind of cosmic puberty where in the planets cease to revolve around the sun and instead the teenager becomes the center and everything revolved around them. It is obvious that Copernicus never had any kids otherwise he would not have suggested such an obviously erroneous theory.
At first I just assumed that teenagers were wrong (despite their objections that they are never wrong). After today though I am beginning to wonder if the center of the universe really does revolve around each of us.
Shortly after receiving a shipment notification of diet food I received another email stating that the Hostess company maker of magical chocolate cupcakes, indestructible Twinkies, and my personal favorites HoHo’s was filing for bankruptcy.
Oh what have I done? Because of my stupid fatty liver I may have jeopardized an entire generation of children who will not be able to partake of the sugary goodness that was a Ding Dong. How could I have been such a fool as to believe that my decision to lose weight would not have an adverse effect on those around me? This was not the kind of loss I was expecting when I decided to go on a diet.
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