An important part of my diet is eating five small “meals” a day along with one “Lean and Green” meal consisting of a healthy protein and vegetables. The five small meals come from a catalog of food whichI ordered when I started the program.

The problem of course is that never having been on a diet nor knowing what any of this food tasted like I had no way to know whether the things I was choosing were good or not so good. During the first two weeks of being on this diet it has been a giant science experiment to see what I would or would not eat.

Now I am two weeks into the four-week initial order and I have to pay for some of my early mistakes in program food selection. My first realization is that I bought WAY too many eggs. My initial assumption that eggs are eggs regardless of whether they come in egg form or power form was severely mistaken. These powdered eggs have the consistency of scrambled rubber bands with a clinical after taste.

Within a week I went from begin able to tolerate the taste to an exercise in managing my gag reflex so I don’t spew rubber eggs across the kitchen. Granted that’s not a visual I wanted to paint and I am further worried that throwing up rubber eggs may be dangerous as I am not completely sure they would not act like Wham-o Super Balls and if my childhood taught me anything its that you can lose an eye if your not careful releasing too much kinetic energy.

I’m in the process of returning the unused portion of my egg order (I was tempted to return the used portion as well but thought that might not be a great idea). This has left me short two weeks of breakfasts that I need to somehow replace.

I am now getting to the point of running out of things that have proven more popular than I first expected. I am completely out of the energy bars. The chocolate and chocolate mint crunch bars are actually very good but now I am out of those so I will have to do without them the next couple of weeks until I reorder.

I have also seen the chicken noodle soup, pancakes, and brownies boxes become empty leaving me short those as well. With two weeks still remaining on this first month’s order I wondered what I would end up eating?

A quick survey shows I have three kinds of pudding left including chocolate, vanilla, and banana. I have half a box left of Dutch chocolate shake and orange crème shakes so the combination of the two will last another week.

I have another box of chicken noodle soup and a few portions of chicken and rice so it would appear that I am set for the remainder of the month for lunches. I have a limited number of pretzel sticks and pizza cheese snacks that I can have one each of those every other day. Finally I have a partial box of chocolate chip cookies and brownies that I can eat.

As I gaze down into the box I have to wonder whether it was me or put this order together or a five year old boy? Seriously I am out of breakfast but I have an abundance of cookies, pudding, and chocolate shakes? Clearly I still need to work on making proper food choices.

The aroma of roast turkey still lingered in the air and the dessert plates had just barely been cleared from the table. The tranquility of Thanksgiving suddenly disappeared with a loud thud.

The Thanksgiving newspaper was plopped onto the table; it’s contents spilling in every direction. Trina brought out “the notebook” and put on her game face. The newspaper was divided and it’s contents were examined at every inch.

The advertisements were divided not by store but by opening time. Each ad was then carefully examined and notes were taken. After what seemed like several hours of close scrutiny and several pens and sheets of paper, the preliminary work was complete.

The notebook was less a shopping list and more a battle plan. It contained the logistics and coordinates to successfully navigate what is commonly referred to as “Black Friday”.

The day after Thanksgiving when stores open early and hope to lure consumers in with terms such as “door buster” and “early bird”. For many this is shopping nirvana. A day when not only are you allowed to shop but expected to buy massive amounts of products in the name of holiday gifts.

It is a day I approach with equal amounts of anticipation and dread. During our wedding vows when they mentioned the part about richer and poorer and good times and bad times, I never would have imagined that would mean the day after Thanksgiving but in reality that’s exactly what they meant.

After we were married I promised myself I would go shopping with Trina on these days after Thanksgiving. Part of it was a sense of fear not wanting my wife to go out alone in the early morning hours. Part of it was self-preservation for not wanting my checkbook to go out alone in the early morning hours.

All of this sounds great when you are sitting around a kitchen table at five in the afternoon but it is an entirely different story when the alarm goes off at three in the morning and you have to get up to go out in the cold standing there with thousands of crazed women waiting for the doors to open so you can rush some kid making minimum wage for the last toy in town.

So as I get ready to head out the door I am again wondering what exactly was I thinking when I volunteered for this? While the rest of the civilized world is lying in bed dreaming of leftover turkey and college football I will be standing outside a Target praying that when I finally get through the door I won’t be run over by a lunatic with a shopping cart looking for a Barbie.