Jeff Blogs

Two years ago all my daughter Whitney wanted for Christmas was a cell phone. She begged and pleaded for a phone. She was younger than the other girls when they got a cell phone so it was a dangerous precedent to be setting.

Whitney has always been mature for her age so I wasn’t worried about getting her a phone. Still I wasn’t about to let on to her that she was going to get a phone. Instead I told her that she had to get an “A” on a particular test in order to be considered for a phone.

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Do you ever have an idea that at the time seems completely brilliant but then after taking a step back and analyzing the idea from a distance you wonder exactly what drug you had to be on to think of something as crazy as that? For me, that is a relatively normal occurrence. I am not implying that I am some sort of drug addict just that I have the brain of a drug addict.

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Today is Saturday July 12 and that can mean only one thing, it is the Hallmark Holiday Ornament Premiere. Does the Hallmark Corporation have any idea how strange that sounds? Here we are in the middle of summer. The backyard grill still has the remnants from the Independence Day BBQ and we’re still trying to decide if we can get away with one more night of setting off fireworks before the cops come over and confiscate our remaining bottle rockets. In the midst of all that we are supposed to get in the mood to select ornaments for a Christmas Tree that will remain stored in the garage for another 5 months. I was ballistic when I went in Wal-Mart the other day and saw them starting to prepare aisles for Halloween costumes now I am being asked to decide what decorations I want to see on my tree. That just seems really messed up. I’d love to be able to blow off the premiere but I’ve been down that path before and it is not good. The saddest part is that I have no one to blame for this but myself.

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Every year I vow that I am going to get my Christmas shopping done early and each year I am out with every other carbon-based life form the weekend before Christmas trying to find the perfect gift.  The perfect gift has of course been out of stock since the day before Thanksgiving meaning I am left going through gift permutations trying to piece together something that come Christmas morning looks like I put a lot of thought into it.  Through the years I have learned some valuable lessons.  No matter how good the idea sounded at the time; anything purchased at a truck stop or convenience store will not go over well when unwrapped.  And even though your wife has said for months that the vacuum cleaner is in need of replacing; that is not a hint that she wants to receive one as a gift.  After going to countless stores and finding nothing that I would dare wrap under the tree I did the thing I should have done from the beginning.  I went down to Chase Field to the team shop and bought her a Diamondbacks shirt.  I know I would love to get a shirt from the team shop and everyone always says we are a perfect couple so it goes without reason that she will be thrilled with the gift as well.  Christmas shopping should not be this painful.