Jeff Blogs

Now that I know the exact date when the UPS guy is going to drop the F-bomb at my house (food bomb) I can start to get prepared for the official beginning of my new diet. I have exactly two more days to live.

Part of me feels a little like the death-row inmate whose cell is exactly outside the room where they are testing the electric chair. Even though you know that the lights flickering are just them testing to make sure they’ll kill you when they throw the switch you secretly hope that the governor will call and give you a last second reprieve.

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At some point during the day I received an email notifying me that my food shipment for my new diet plan is on its way to me and that I should have it in my hands by Thursday this week. This news was met with equal parts excitement and dread.

Looking around the pantry it was going to be a teary good-bye to several of my closest friends. Ah the wonderful mornings I spent with Lucky the leprechaun protecting the colorful marshmallows from those pesky kids who kept trying to steal them.

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Shortly after joining “the program”, I received my first email from my personal health coach Amy. She gave me all of her contact information so I could contact her whenever I needed. I’ve decided if I ever want to become a stalker I am going to go out and join diet web sites and get people’s information. Not only do you have access to people they are likely in better shape than you are.

At first I thought this was the standard welcome message then I realized that this email had a purpose. Attached at the bottom of the email were three documents. I had to go back and re-read the message to find out that I actually had homework!

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I’m beginning to think that selecting a diet program is a lot like buying a new car without getting the new car smell. Now I have already readily admitted that I am an absolute novice at this diet thing and am basically relying on Trina to kind of deal with this. If you ask Trina I do that with pretty much everything not just diet programs.

One of the positive aspects of the program is that they kind of do all the heavy lifting (no pun intended; oh who am I kidding I have been waiting to use that). From what Trina has explained to me I am given five small “meals” a day then I get one home cooked meal referred to as “Lean and Green”.

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Now that I’ve decided to lose weight, well more accurately now that my wife and my liver have decided I needed to lose weight the question becomes how? Trina was of course all over this. It’s amazing how helpful people can be suggesting how someone else can lose weight.

A quick tour of the bookstore showed that the number of titles around weight loss were taller and weighed more than I did. This was obviously not going to be as simple as getting a book, eating some celery, and exercising more than walking from the couch to the refrigerator.

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