New Year’s Resolutions

I am fascinated with the whole New Year’s holiday. For the life of me I cannot understand why we have decided to celebrate having to go out and buy a new calendar. I know there are other holidays that are just as confusing.

I never have understood how a furry rodent suffering from Sciophobia (a fear of shadows) was able to score not only a cool holiday like Groundhog Day but also a classic movie. And don’t even get me started on Columbus Day where we celebrate men who get lost and don’t stop and ask for directions. Seriously, who comes up with these?

Sorry I think I took a severe left turn on the off-topic turnpike there. Where was I? Oh yes, New Year’s. So basically we have a holiday where people stay up late and stare at the clock then count down the minutes and seconds until the calendar expires requiring us to go to Barnes & Noble and buy a new one.

Let’s not forget that participants are to ingest large amounts alcohol, wear funky little hats, sing songs that make absolutely no sense what so ever. Exactly what IS an Auld Lang Syne? I swear those are not even real words. Then at the stroke of midnight you are supposed to kiss complete strangers. Yeah this has bad news written all over it.

The weirdness of this holiday doesn’t stop there though. There’s the whole New Year’s resolution tradition. Can’t you just see some guy standing in the middle of Time Square in New York City as the ball is falling and he starts to scream, “This year I am going to lose weight, be nicer to my neighbors, and learn to speak a foreign language!”

Maybe I have an issue with this holiday because I didn’t think of it. I’m sure I would feel differently if it was my idea. So rather than just sitting around complaining I’ll just go with the flow. I’ll wear the goofy hat, blow the cheesy horn, and kiss the complete stranger at midnight. Ok I’ll probably skip that last one and just kiss my wife.

As for New Year’s resolutions, I’ll try to start one item on Trina’s “honey-do” list. I’ll call all my kids by their given name instead of “hey you little person”. Oh and I resolve to go to every Arizona Diamondbacks home game. Hey, a guy has to have one thing that he can accomplish during the year.


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