What Happened to Global Warming?

For the past several years all we have heard was that man was ruining the environment and that the planet was on the verge of revolt. Terms such as “global warming” and “carbon footprint” were bantered about each being used to describe the impending doom we are about to face.

Scientists throughout the world lamented of melting polar ice caps and large holes in the ozone layer. We were told again and again that if things did not quickly do an about face we could face extinction much like the dinosaurs eons ago.

During the summer months in Arizona I would have to agree the temperatures seemed hotter than I had remembered and I wondered whether I could actually melt. Despite the intense summer months I somehow survived.

Part of the reason we moved to Arizona was the weather. Living in Idaho we were never warm. Even in the midst of summer it still felt cold. And when winter arrived at what seemed like the same time as back-to-school the weather turned bitter.

I can still remember weeks at a time when the temperatures would not go above zero. Tires would freeze to the ground creating flat spots that would thump as you drove until the tire warmed up from friction.

Trina challenged me stating I could never find a place too hot. That is the kind of challenge that I thrive on. When we moved to Arizona it was April with temperatures in the mid-70’s and gorgeous blue skies. I remember thinking it was perfect. Trina of course was still not warm but things would soon change.

By the middle of the first summer here we were wondering whether we had actually taken a wrong turn and was now living in Hell. Later we would find out this wasn’t Hell because even Satan leaves Arizona during the summer because it is too hot.

Those with more years experience in Arizona told us that we would soon get used to the heat. I honestly don’t believe it. These of course are the same people who say, “Yes but it’s a dry heat.” My oven is a dry heat but that doesn’t mean I plan on living in it.

To a certain extent I have to admit you learn to tolerate the three months of extreme heat in the summer because while the rest of the country is freezing their tails off during the winter you have perfect weather for nine straight months. Well that is until today.

When I awoke this morning I went to retrieve the newspaper from the driveway. Standing there in the coolness of the morning something strange happened. I could actually see my breath! This was definitely not right.

Suddenly I realized that my feet were freezing. Looking down I realized that all I had on my feet were flip-flops. I ran as quickly as a guy can run with only one leg back into the house and dove for the afghan that Trina normally has lying on the couch.

Once I checked all extremities for frostbite I huddled up in the blanket and shuffled into the kitchen desperately searching for hot chocolate.

As I put a mug of water into the microwave and set the time I watched the water rotate on the microwave merry-go-round and wished for a second I could crawl inside that mug like a hot tub.

The thermometer outside said it was 40 degrees. Forty degrees? I don’t think I even keep my refrigerator that cold! Something was definitely amiss. For the remainder of the day I would stay huddled in a blanket trying to remember what it felt like last summer when I was actually warm.

The next time I run into one of those climatologists who is proclaiming, “global warming” I think I’ll respond in my best impression of Inigo Montoya from the movie The Princess Bride, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

If that doesn’t work maybe I’ll just use the line, “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” That’s bound to get someone’s attention.


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