So You Want a Model Husband?

While we were at the Hallmark Ornament Premiere Trina happened to ask me what I might want for Christmas this year so she could start planning. I briefly considered suggesting that she get me a 2008 Corvette or put me on the list for a 2009 Camaro SS when they are released. Trina could see the wheels of my demented mind spinning and before I could even utter a sound she added the qualifier, “Remember, you’ve been good but you haven’t been THAT good.” Ouch, that smarts. There is nothing like a reminder from your wife that you haven’t quite been the model husband. I have a theory on that. Yeah I know, I have a theory on everything.

My theory is that model husbands are kind of like model homes. When you go out shopping for a new house in a new development, the builder has created model homes for you to look at and see what the quality of workmanship is and what features may be available on a specific floor plan. There are usually three model homes. The first model is always the smallest and has pretty much standard features. This is the base home and gives you an idea of what you should expect. The second model is larger and has some of the more popular upgrades. This is the mainstream model that equates to roughly 75 percent of the buyers. It might not be exactly the same for everyone but the majority will choose these options when buying the house. The third model home is tract housing nirvana. It is generally the largest floor plan the builder makes and it has pretty much every option you could imagine on it. Probably less than 1 percent of the buyers would ever configure a house like that and in most cases it is overkill but it does represent the ultimate in customization and upgrades. Husbands are kind of like that. We can be a model husband but you have to ask yourself what floor plan you are looking for. Are you interested in the base model husband that every bride should expect when she walks down the aisle? This is the cheapest husband to get into but it lacks the workmanship necessary to make it comfortable. The paint may be a little plain and there are really no accessories but hey it’s a new husband and it’s yours. You could be a little more particular and you could shop around until you find a mainstream model husband. They are a little better than the base model. They come with things like upgraded plumbing and finished landscaping. And while the carpet may be thicker the pad being used could be inferior. There are enough finishing touches so that when you move in you are not overwhelmed with the work to make it comfortable but there are still places where you can work with it to make it personal and yours. The problem though is that once married, the wife typically compares their model husband to what she saw in the third model. She is constantly complaining because her model didn’t come with this feature or that feature. The curb appeal was superficial and quickly deteriorated and now weeds are growing around the edges. They don’t understand that structurally their model husband may be sound; he just may be more of a fixer-upper. So next time my wife suggests that I might not be a model husband I am going to let her know that’s not true and oh by the way she’s no Food Network herself.

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