A Day Without iPhone Is Like a Day Without…

Today marks another episode in what is quickly becoming the never ending InvisibleSHIELD saga. When we last left our hero he was anxiously awaiting the conclusion of his wife’s InvisibleSHIELD installation training. I was anxiously looking forward to having an iPhone that had been sealed for my protection. And although I had no intention of ever running my keys across the iPhone it would be good to know that I could without having to worry about whether it would be scratched. As Trina finished installing the film she brought the iPhone to me to make sure everything was cool. She was carrying it as if it contained nitro glycerin. I was really hoping that the instructions did not include that I had to carry my phone in that manner. Being a typical guy, I just reached out to grab the device and begin messing with it.

“WAIT!” Trina yelled.
I froze in my tracks thinking perhaps she had dropped a contact lens or something and I didn’t want to mistakenly step on it. Then I realized that Trina doesn’t wear contact lenses so I had no idea why she was yelling at me, this time.
“The directions said that you are not supposed to turn on or use the device for 24 hours after the InvisibleSHIELD is installed” she said.
Are you kidding me? That definitely sounded made up and I was pretty sure this was payback for all of the grief I had given her over what day it was. I looked at her very skeptically and again reached for the iPhone. Trina anticipated that move and glided to the right as I went left. I was already out of balance (physically, I think I am still quite balanced mentally) and I fell to the floor. This of course brought a round of laughter from the kids where were watching this exchange. My son who had nearly just been killed for the “Thursday” comment to his mother again used poor judgment and suggested, “Maybe the Wii Fit was right dad, maybe you can’t walk without falling down.” I made a mental note to call the lawyer and have my will changed so that all my stuff is left to the neighbor’s cat.
“Seriously, you are not allowed to turn on the phone or use it for 24 hours. And since you cannot be trusted I’m going to put it away so you don’t.” Trina said. I am not sure which was more depressing; that she didn’t trust me to follow instructions or that she was taking away my iPhone. I think it was not having the iPhone. I got over the fact that she didn’t trust me to listen to her instructions a long time ago.
I’ve only had the iPhone for about 2 weeks but it has already become an indispensible part of my gadget repertoire. Over the next day I paced the floor like an expectant father waiting to see his new child. Ok that is probably a comment that I definitely need to keep to myself. I am not sure Trina or the kids would appreciate me equating my new iPhone to their birth. But they have to look at it from my perspective. When was the last time that any of my kids retrieved my email, sent my text messages or took care of my voicemail? Kids are single tasking and extremely buggy prone to errors. They also have a power supply problem since they boot when you don’t want them to and rarely do they shutdown when you issue the command. My iPhone on the other hand has an elegant user interface and does everything that I ask of it.
The allotted time finally expired and Trina retrieved my iPhone and gave it back to me. In hindsight this is probably where I should have graciously accepted the iPhone, given her a kiss, a hug and reiterate my undying love for her. Instead I took the iPhone in my hand and rubbed my fingers over it luscious curves. I am not sure but I might even have uttered an “oh baby”. As my fingers went around its curves I happened to notice a slight bubble in the InvisibleSHIELD and I mistakenly thought Trina would like some constructive feedback. Yeah, I was wrong.
I should have had the U.S. Geological Survey office number handy as I am sure they would be interested in knowing what the seismic activity was that shook Chandler Arizona. Mount Trina ceased to be a dormant volcano and once again erupted spewing ash and debris covering everything in the house. All I could think of was that we needed to save the children and get them to a safe zone away from the blast area. I grabbed my iPhone and ran for the door. I probably should have grabbed my other kids too but I panicked.
I decided perhaps the best course of action would be to seek professional help. I therefore went to the Yellow Pages. I immediately found what I was looking for, an InvisibleSHIELD mall store at the Chandler Fashion Center. For the sake of the kids I took my iPhone in to see if they could fix my baby’s bumpy curves. The operation took just a few minutes and now it’s good as new. All I need now is to use my iPhone to call down to Governor Janet Napolitano’s office and see if she can issue a state of emergency and declare my house a natural disaster area so that I qualify for national assistance in the clean up from the volcano. What’s that? I can’t use my iPhone for 24 hours until the InvisibleSHIELD dries and cures? Noooooooooooo!

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