Panic at the Calendar
I looked at the calendar today and realized it was time to flip the page. It’s funny, as I have started to get older I look at the calendar with equal parts of amazement and disdain. Every day that goes by reminds me of all the things I had wanted to get done but never seemed to find the time. This leads down the typical range of emotions. First is astonishment when I realize that the calendar has moved forward. You would think that after all these years I would realize that time continues to march forward regardless of whether I choose to acknowledge it or not. Yet every day I still find myself shocked to see another day has passed. Once I get over the initial emotion I usually get frustrated. I have a list of things I wanted to get accomplished and I broke that list down into days and now I find that one day is missing and it doesn’t seem like any of the activities I had listed for this now missing day had the decency to get lost with the day. Activities are kind of like rats on a sinking ship. When they see a calendar day slowly taking on water soon to be gone from existence; they immediately jump to the next day hoping to save their pathetic selves.
This bailing of the activities of course has the effect of overloading the next day thereby causing it to start to take on water and it begins to sink. It’s like my own personal Titanic complete with the really bad musical score but without the Kate Winslet nudity. As the supposed captain of this vessel I am extremely frustrated at the panic these activities are exhibiting. They should just go down with the ship but that never happens. This leads to the next emotion which is anger. You just want to find out who is responsible for messing with the calendar and causing time to increase while my productivity decreases at a similar rate in the opposite direction. Someone owes me an explanation and assistance in cleaning up this mess. No one though with take ownership of this fiasco including me which I think is probably the root of the problem but I am in a state of denial. Not only am I a resident of the state of denial, I think I am the governor. So without ownership the final emotion is one of resignation. Nothing seems to work so why even bother. It is a defeatist attitude but in this case it works. So it is somewhat appropriate that I came to this epiphany today since it is May Day and I am under serious distress.