Me and My Peeps

Every year I eagerly await the passing of St. Patrick’s Day. It is not that I have anything against St. Patrick’s Day it is just that I know that once that is over it can mean only one thing; Easter is just around the corner. Easter is like a ninja holiday. You never quite know when it is going to show up then BAM! there it is. I often wondered why we had an Easter Bunny. It would have been much cooler if the icon would have been this little ninja guy. Any chicken who didn’t give up eggs gets a couple of ninja stars to the beak. Wouldn’t it be more believable to think of a ninja creeping into your house one night and hiding your eggs rather than a six foot rabbit without opposable thumbs? So you may be asking yourself, what is it about Easter that gets me so jazzed. Is it the religious implications? Could it be the celebration of the return of spring signifying a new beginning? Is it that I just have a thing for Easter bonnets? While any of these answers would be justification enough to love Easter (well maybe not that last one but the others are ok); these are not why I like the holiday so much.

What gets my heart going pitter-patter this time of year is the emergence of Peeps. Oh those cute little conjoined marshmallow treats dipped in colored sugar crystals. There is nothing quite as soothing as opening up a package of chicks or bunnies and chewing their heads off. That’s how I eat them, heads first, tails last. I once dated a girl who ate the tails first. What a strange woman! It’s hard to respect a girl who focuses her Peep efforts in the wrong direction. Sorry, I got distracted for a second. My favorites are the bunnies and preferably not pink. It is not that I won’t eat pink bunnies it is just that I am not sure how comfortable I am eating anything pink let alone the head of a sugared marshmallow rabbit. Besides the bunnies give the appearance of being healthier since their bulk is somewhat smaller than the chicks. According to the Peeps web site the calorie content from each is very similar; which is one of the great mysteries of the universe in my opinion. My favorites used to be the purple and the teal. I would open two packages and alternate the two colors. I always felt like that was paying homage to the Arizona Diamondbacks which of course is the domain of my other blog Diary of a Diehard. But since the Diamondbacks have changed their colors to Sedona Red and Black I find myself shunning the purple and teal Peeps. That’s unfortunate since it wasn’t their fault but what are you going to do? This year my excitement for Peeps was somewhat tempered. In years past Peep bunnies came packaged 16 to a package while Peep chicks were packaged in lots of 15. That’s a lot of sugar goodness for less than a dollar. So imagine my indignation when I went into the store and found that Peeps have been downsized! Chicks are now packaged in groups of 10 and bunnies have seen their brethren reduced to just 12. It is like Peeps genocide. Slowly an entire race of Peeps is being destroyed and not one of the major news networks is so much as reporting it. How could such an atrocity not be the top story on every news channel in America? This is a conspiracy that is orders of magnitude greater than who killed JFK yet it is going unnoticed. I stood at the display incredulous at what was happening. I described my outrage to other shoppers in the store but rather than rally with me around this cause my comments were met with blank stares and scattering shopping carts. You know Nazi Germany started this way and you remember how that ended up don’t you? I for one don’t plan on letting this deed go unpunished. I am at this very moment drafting a letter to my Congressmen and another letter to all the major political candidates so that I can understand what their views are on Peeps genocide. Mark my words, this is going to become a very big campaign issue. The next presidency could very well be decided based upon the candidates’ views of Peep preservation.

One Comment

  1. Jeff Blogs says:

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